She shouldn't be driving away. She shouldn't be headed to yet another foreign country to fight for her life. It is dark and cold and early. There is nothing her Mommy and Daddy want to do more then scoop her up and tuck her in bed safe. This world is not safe. Not for her. Not for anyone.
Cancer changes every tiny part of your life.
Her breathe is warm against my cheek. I feel her strong pulse against my chest as I hug her tightly. She is brave when she doesn't feel like it. When she doesn't want to be. I wish I could do this for her....
Her giggle whispers in my ear when I tell her the healthy snacks Nana brought. She is worried about her wheelchair that is being shipped. We joke about how Daddy said it will probably pass them in the air as it is to be shipped here today. I promise that we will do whatever we can to get it to her asap. She says "Really Sissy?" I say "absolutely!" Inside I am thinking "Baby girl I will fly to the moon and back if you need me to."
I love her. She is my special girl. Our hearts seek to care for others even when we are struggling. She is an angel.
More hugs. Hurried. Desperate. Faining assurance I wave and smile! More I love you's. Promises to call and text and and and.... my hand reaches for my fence to keep me upright as I close the van door. The van holding my whole world backs up gravel crunching. Hands waving. Kisses tossed. I love you's ringing. I smile and give a thumbs up. You got this baby girl!
Glad she can't see my tears. Glad she only sees my smile.
Darkness descends quickly as the vans lights bump down the road. "Jesus go with them..."
She smells of Doritos and a hint of frankincense. I will hold that hug in my heart until I can hold her again in my arms.
#foreverhersis
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