I woke up that way again...the same way I have woke up so many days before. The sharp punch in my stomach almost visceral in its reality. The gasp of air sharply inhaled. Eyes searching, wildly looking. Fingers tearing, throwing, clawing the covers off. Need to get up. Need to go. Need to....Find her...
Reality hits you in the face like a wall not seen. It's icy fingers slide around your heart and you rememeber. Short gasps, trying to catch your breathe, recalibrate, reorient....Dress, smile, breathe, drive. Grey clouds taste of sorrow. Miserable rain beats on the windshield. Remind myself to turn on the windshield wipers. Can't tell if its the rain or my tears fogging my view.
Where is her voice? I need to see her face...Find a parking place out in the back of the lot. Watching Marco Polo video chats as warm drops hit the screen. Her giggle fills the car, my heart warms. She and I, laughing, funny faces, changing colors. Golden dog kisses on her round cheeks. Her giggle, throws her head back and the sounds of it fills my silent heart.
Listening to her sweet voice say "I love you Sissy" over and over and over....and over. Pausing it on her blue eyes and her little hand waving saying "See you soon Sissy, I love you."
Warm tears mingle with cold rain on pale cheeks. Staring at her face....My heart misses you baby girl. The beat is not the same. The rythm has changed. Close my eyes and long for home. Talk to my Jesus. "Jesus has me," she says. Hold her Lord, until her Sis can hold her, and lift her, and swing her around until she squeels "Oh stop Sis!!!"
Reunion. The light of it breaks thru the grey. Warms the frozen. Dries the tears. Reunion. Until that day we will watch and remember. We will hold onto the precious sound of her voice...Until then...
