Ohana

Ohana

This is our last morning here in Oahu. I am sad, content, unsure, trusting, nostalgic. How can so much be wrapped up on a place I have never been before and have only spent five days? 

I have wanted to come to Hawaii for many many years. It always represented a place to relax, sit, do nothing, contemplate the quiet and life's noise. I imagined sipping icy Dr. Pepper while my toes dug into the hot sand. The warm sun on my shoulders and the cool water on my feet. I thought I would see the vacation-ness of Hawaii. The surf, sand, and sun. 

As I sit here on my last full day here on this island paradise, I find that my experience is totally different. While this island has held plenty of sand, sun, and beauty, I will not remember it for those stereotypical qualities.

Mom and I were sitting on our hotel balcony moments ago, watching the paddle boarders, the black outline of the mountain standing guard over Waikiki, the sound of the waves hitting the creamy sand, the smell of flowers wafting around us....We both had the same impression at the same time. "I never want to come back here...and I want to live here." 

We take away from Hawaii one word. One memory. One deeply rooted meaning.

Ohana

Family

As part of the hawaiian culture, the word "Ohana" means family. The word was made popular by a movie I have never watched but there is so much more then a Disney-laiden meaning here. 

The word comes from "Oha" which is a highly revered plant. It signifies that all Ohana come from the same root. The "Oha" is the part of the plant that is planted to become the next generation. Ohana is your family by blood, my adoption, my intention. Your Ohana nourishes you, protects you, fights for you and with you. 

It means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. They are who you are, who you stand alongside and fight with, who you love with and would die for. They are your core. Part of your heart that lives outside of your body. Your tribe. Your people. Ohana. 

There is so much we have experienced together on this trip. Laughter, smiles, giggles, skipping with joy, blue tongues from shaved ice, floral skirts, and sandy toes. Dolphin kisses, submarines, and swimming. Four precious children hand in hand walking down the sidewalk, the hallway, the beach. FOUR. All together as it should be. Julianna holding Samuel's hand protectively as we traverse the sidewalk traffic, tiki torches shining in their eager eyes as she chats about where we are going and he looks up at her with reverence and heartwarming adoration. She is his person. Always has been. It is killing me to think that she may not be here to watch him grow up...

Ohana

After this trip there is part of me that thinks it would be too sad to come back here. Yet no. No matter the future, no matter what comes next, Hawaii will always hold these moments for me. Ohana. together. All eight of us. As it always has been. As it should be. Standing, hand in hand, as the waves of life crash against us. Sometimes in a line of solidarity facing the storm and others in a circle of prayer...but always together.

Ohana

This will always be a place of family to me. A place we all experienced in wide eyed new-ness at the same time. A place that brought Julianna joy. I am thankful for this.

I want to stamp this into my soul. These memories. These moments. My Ohana. I love each of them with my life. I wish I could have DIPG for her. I wish I could bear this cross instead. Her grace, her faith, her heart is beauty. 

She is my Ohana. 

As we head back tomorrow into the snowy Walla Walla world, back to hospitals, MRI's, infusions, results, pokes, and DIPG, may we hold onto this place. May it stamp itself onto your hearts.

Ohana fight together. Ohana fight for and with each other. we will stand beside her. We are Ohana.

Thank you Jesus for being our Ohana too. For fighting for us and dying for us. Thank you for these days and for my Ohana. 

Please come soon and take us all home...